With Time

I kept holding off writing this post, because I kept thinking it would get easier to write about the recent events with Emma. But, even as I start typing I can feel my eyes filling with tears. Tears of gratitude, worry and happiness.  It's hard to know how much to share in regards to this experience. While this is a far cry from the whole story, it is a glimpse into the last month.

Emma started having seizures a month ago. Talk about turning your world upside down. I quickly gained a different perspective of my children and the blessings, as well as difficulties, that come with motherhood. It was terrifying, to say the least, to watch my child go completely limp and only slightly nod or shake her head in response to us. It broke our hearts watching Emma be poked and prodded for the various testing even if it was 100% necessary. We asked family members and close friends to keep Emma in their prayers and fasts as we searched for answers. I know that Heavenly Father heard those prayers and blessed Emma, our family and the medical professionals we came into contact with throughout this experience.

Through tender mercies, we were able to get Emma's MRI scheduled in Utah the day before Thanksgiving, a month sooner than we could in California. A few days before her scan, she spiked a fever of 104. She had no other symptoms, but they would not sedate her for the scan if she had a fever. The morning of the scan, she still had a low-grade fever, but we decided to go and see what they would say. When they took her vital signs, she did not have a fever, not even a low-grade one. I know that Heavenly Father was more than aware of our little girl. After the scan, the Neuro-Radiologist came over to give us the news that we'd been praying for-everything was completely normal:  No tumor, no lesions, no malformations. He came directly over because of a "friend of a friend" connection. Otherwise, we would have waited until 5 days later when we met with Emma's doc in California.  I need to mention how incredible Bryan has been with all of this. He has been my rock. He is such a good man and incredible father.

I can't even begin to put into words how I will forever remember the gratitude in my heart this Thanksgiving for Emma, family, prayer and a knowledge that Heavenly Father is aware of the details in my life. We still don't have complete answers at this time for why Emma has seizures. For now, we don't need those answers. Her Neurologist feels confident with all of her test results that Emma will most likely outgrow the seizures. If the seizures change, then our plan will change. For now, I'm just trying to hold my children a little closer, hold my tongue a little more and hold onto the little things in life with my kids that I've learned can so quickly change.

We put a video monitor in Emma's room to help us monitor for seizures. The fun part about this is to see what she's really been up to when I thought she was sleeping!

Bryan said, "that's creepy" when he found out I snapped a pic of him with the video monitor. I only took the picture and post it here to reiterate my point of him being such a good man. To say that I was restless or worried at night about Emma would be quite the understatement. Bryan would sleep on Emma's floor to ease my mind. He did this for quite awhile.

Bryan stayed with Emma until she was completely sedated for her MRI. He was stronger than me-It was too much for this mama's heart. Again, so grateful for Bryan and his ability to know how and when he is most needed.

As we were going through all of the testing, one night the kids decided to read each other their bedtime stories. Love this picture and the memory. Love these kiddos.